|Did I really do stuff like this once?|
I'm feeling this way and I haven't even left yet. Maybe I'm getting prematurely introspective, or perhaps it makes perfect sense that I feel this way. I'm in a transition zone between a cloudy past and a mysterious future, and I'm uncertain of where I belong. I am certain, however, that for better or for worse, my upcoming trip to Russia will profoundly affect my character, perspective, habits, and, well, life.
It's funny, it's always been easy for me to leave home, but this time I am actually getting truly nostalgic for my past life, and for my family, my homeland, and the crisp fall weather. This is the first time in 6 years I have been in New Hampshire in September and I forgot how much I truly love it here. The Monadnock Region in New Hampshire is the only place I think I'll ever be able to call home. And as much as I am looking forward to my trip to Russia, for the first time in my life I don't want to leave home.
I've always found making friends easy and keeping friends next to impossible. After 5 years of College it finally dawned on me that that is why we have family. Family is always there for you, whereas friends and lovers come and go. Maybe that's why I'm finally homesick. I finally feel, after spending a summer living with my brother and visiting often with my mother and father, a strong, necessary connection to my family. My family is something I need now, as I wade between my past and future lives.
|"Dodger" has seen worse days than this one on route 1 in California... far worse.|
As I drove in my old 1999 Dodge Neon across Massachusetts and southern New Hampshire for the last time, I glanced as often as I could at the stars that gleamed brilliantly through the dry, cool air. Through my headphones (my car stereo doesn't work) blasted some of my favorite songs, and I sang along gleefully to the Decemberists (named after the Decemberist Revolution in Tsarist Russia!), Death Cab for Cutie, and Band of Horses. Since I was 16 my Dodge Neon has been my freedom, my independence, my liberty, and now I wont drive a car for 9
|Speaking of the Decemberists... "Oh New England, la da dee da..."|
This is all assuming my visa arrives in time. Amid the nostalgia is also stress, as today I received hepatitis vaccines in both my arms, and received word that my visa should (repeat, should!) arrive at 8am on Tuesday morning. This is good, because my flight is 3:30 on Tuesday afternoon. Maybe I'll just have to stay in New England after all ;).